June 2000 Letters to Editor Reply

I was appalled at your article touting Cornelia Goth’s new-found love of alchemy. Don’t you people realize Cornelia and her sister are witches?

We all know that ghosts freely roam about their mansions.

I even hear the Goths have an enchanted skeleton maid.

Clearly, the Goths and Crumplebottoms are in cahoots with the Grim Reaper himself! I think this newspaper had better learn to present the full story to its readership.

Judy Bunch
Sunset Valley

* * *

Mrs. Bunch,

Our reporter found no evidence of paranormal activity while interviewing Mrs. Goth. The article stands as written.

The Editor-in-Chief,
Sunset Valley Press

 

* * *

Perhaps Mrs. Bunch feels threatened that more natural medicines will cost her her job at Landgraab Industries.

Hope Carpenter
Riverview

Cornelia Goth Embraces Heritage Reply

June 2000Cornelia Goth has just returned from what she calls a “life-altering” trip. “I went to visit my cousins in Moonlight Falls this spring, and I learned so much about my heritage. I never realized how in tune my family is to nature.”

Her cousins, Beatrice, Belinda, and Bianca introduced her to a practice called “alchemy.” When people think of alchemy, they tend to think of someone in a pointy hat, crouched over a cauldron, plotting to turn people into toads.

Mrs. Goth says that couldn’t be further from the truth, “Alchemy is more science than hocus-pocus. By understanding how the elements that make up the many plants and minerals found in our area can benefit our body, we can develop chemical-free remedies for many of our illnesses and disorders. Cures found in nature are surely better for you than the toxins manufactured in labs.”

Alchemy is more than a hobby to Mrs. Goth. She has gone to City Hall and has registered as a licensed alchemist. “I am still learning my craft, but I hope to open up an all-natural clinic soon for those wanting an alternative to Sacred Spleen.”

Gunther Plays Hooky Reply

June 2000–CEO Gunther Goth seems more interested in lounging by the pool than holding meetings, and rumor has it the Board members at Goth Industries are losing their patience. Sources say Gunther’s work performance has plummeted because he is spending more time pursuing guitar lessons, fishing outings, and art supplies. Rumor has it the Board is looking to oust him, and Nancy Landgraab, Vice President of Marketing, is chomping at the bit to become the new CEO. Will the Board really fire their founder’s son? Even though internal struggles abound at Goth Industries, the company is prospering financially, posting record profits in Q2. Gunther must be doing something right!

Le Petit Shark Pool Center Re-Opens Reply


June 2000 — Summer has arrived in Sunset Valley and Local Representative Vita Alto wants residents to know that Le Petit Shark Pool Center is the perfect place to cool off. “It is imperative that we re-vitalize our community areas to make them attractive places for families to visit. We would hate for our residents to feel the need to travel outside of Sunset Valley’s borders when they can enjoy themselves right at home,” says Mrs. Alto.


Upon entering the pool center, guests will first notice the new grill. Mrs. Alto explains, “People were already bringing their picnic baskets to the pool. The grill will give them additional lunch options.”

A shower was also installed near the restrooms so that guests can rinse the chlorine off their bodies before moving on to their next activity. “Le Petit Shark is a family-friendly environment,” Mrs. Alto reminds us, “so please remember to shower with your bathing suit on.”

During the dog days of summer, guests can find additional shade under the new umbrellas in the patio area. Or, if they don’t mind absorbing the UV rays, they can relax in the pool itself on the new loungers, available for hourly rental at the kiosk.

Perhaps the biggest attraction to Le Petit Shark Pool Center will be the new diving board.

Guests may have to be patient to wait their turn at making a big splash.

Mrs. Alto says opening weekend at the pool was a success. “I have not seen this many Sims at Le Petit since I was a young girl.It’s nice to see the residents pull themselves away from their tvs, computers, and video games and enjoy some good, clean fun at the pool!”

The pool is located at 520 Mirabello Road. Come take a dip today!